True Friendship is Rare and it’s Okay
By Joanna Vidal
Hi, I’m Joanna — the voice behind Unjoannables Blog. I share honest stories from the heart, inspired by real-life experiences. From friendship lessons and personal reflections to beauty tips, travel adventures, lifestyle hacks, and more — this blog is my little corner where I connect with others through truth and growth. I believe in kindness, faith, and the power of healing through words. Thanks for being here — I hope you find something that speaks to you.
People often say that true friends are the ones you meet during childhood. But now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve walked away from many friendships I once thought would last forever. Maybe some would say I have an attitude problem, but for me, I simply let go when I feel unappreciated — when the friendship I’m trying to build doesn’t feel mutual.
As I grow older and more independent, I’ve learned that having many friends isn’t as important as having a few real ones. One or two genuine people in your life are enough. Too many so-called friends can bring chaos instead of peace.
Friends are meant to support you, guide you, and offer honest advice — not to use or take advantage of you. People often wonder why I’m usually alone or why I don’t keep a big circle. The truth is, I’m afraid of building new friendships because I invest so much emotionally. When a friendship fails, it affects me deeply and takes a long time for me to move on.
There are many reasons why friendships fail, and here are a few that I’ve personally experienced:
One-sided help and borrowing or lending money
When friends are in need, we help without thinking twice. But when it’s our turn to ask for support, they suddenly disappear. I’ve seen this happen not just to me, but to my mom as well. She generously helped others financially, trusting them with a kind heart — only to be repaid with harsh words like, “It’s not like I borrowed millions from her.” And yet, they never paid her back. They forgot the sacrifices she made and how hard she worked for that money.
In Asian culture — particularly among my fellow countrymen — borrowing money during hard times is common. But usually, people make an effort to repay what they owe out of gratitude. Failing to do so is considered shameful and deeply untrustworthy. What’s worse is when the borrower seems completely unbothered — showing off a new car, expensive furniture, or going on luxury vacations — all while ignoring the debt they owe. It’s painful and disheartening to witness such disrespect, especially when all that was offered came from a place of genuine kindness.
Unresolved misunderstandings
Every friendship faces challenges. Misunderstandings are normal, but when someone constantly hurts you and refuses to change or even acknowledge the issue, that’s not a real friend.
Absence during your darkest moments
True friends show up when it matters most. When my brother passed away, the silence I received was louder than any words. Even though I had shared the heartbreaking news publicly, only a few people reached out — and none of those I once considered close friends came to visit. In moments like that, you don’t need big gestures. Just a short message, a comforting word, or simply showing up would’ve meant everything. But when even that doesn’t happen, you begin to realize who genuinely values you and who was only there for convenience.
I remember sitting with that thought, wondering — what if it was me who passed away? Would anyone show up then? In that quiet moment, my mom looked at me and said, “I will be there, my daughter… until the end.” And that reminded me — sometimes, the deepest love and friendship come from the ones who have always been there, even in the background.
Comparison and competition
True friends celebrate your growth and success. But some people feel the need to compare and look down on you if they think they’re better off. That kind of energy is not friendship.
Gossip and betrayal
If someone talks behind your back or spreads rumors, don’t hesitate to walk away. Real friends protect your name, even in your absence.
Lack of communication
Sometimes, we lose touch with friends because of busy lives — and that’s okay. The real ones, even after years apart, will still treat you with the same love and respect. I’m grateful to have high school and college best friends like that — we rarely talk, but when we do, it feels like nothing changed.
Being used
Some people enter your life just to take advantage of your kindness. Be observant. Still, don’t let their actions turn your heart cold. Continue being kind and generous — just be wiser with your boundaries.
In the end, I realized that friendship isn’t about numbers — it’s about the few people who truly care, who stand by you when life gets tough, and who don’t make you feel like you have to beg for love, time, or respect. If you’re like me, someone who values friendship deeply, don’t let the pain of past disappointments change your good heart. Be your own best friend first. Talk to God — He listens when no one else does. The right people will come into your life when you’re ready, and they will stay without you having to chase them. For now, keep your peace, keep your kindness, and never forget that being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely — it means you’re strong enough to wait for what’s real.
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